I am an author who digs deep into self-discovery, drawing inspiration primarily from my journey and experiences.
After battling alcohol addiction for four years, I am now in recovery.
However, achieving six years of sobriety has not magically cured my mental health issues.
My crafted image illustrates my progress and development through dedicated effort in my healing journey.
Last Tuesday marked the beginning of a new chapter for me as I transitioned from the care of the psychiatric team to participating in psychotherapy group work.
I have just finished my third week of art therapy, during which I have produced three paintings. One depicts an exorcist, while the other is a tribute to Remembrance Day.
I conjured up these ideas from the depths of my mind. One was inspired by a book I had recently finished, while the other was sparked by the realisation that Remembrance Day was approaching last Sunday.
This week, I created a unique piece that blended elements of different seasons into one captivating image.
I enjoy defying the ordinary and envisioning a world where seasons blend harmoniously. When I discussed this with my therapist, I identified a sensation in the restrictions that I created in life.
That’s something that I will be working on.
Recognising my thoughts through drawing signifies progress, as it allows me to break free from self-pity and engage with the real world.
Most of my drawings revolved around the inner struggles I’ve been grappling with.
As I started my art therapy class, I felt anxious about the participants’ identities and the equipment I would use.
While I am open to everyone in the group, building connections may require some time and effort.
I feel blessed to have been welcomed into the therapy group running until the end of June 2025.
By committing to this therapy, I am willing to explore my potential for cultivating relationships and friendships by dismantling the protective barriers I have erected.
Carrying the tools I’ve acquired through my journey of self-discovery, I am equipped to approach life with a healthier mindset, free from negative influences.
I eagerly anticipate the future, ready to approach it with honesty and an open mindset.
I will focus on identifying the root causes of my methodical behaviours and working on changing some of the rules.
The therapy rooms serve as fertile ground for personal growth, but true progress can only be achieved by sharing openly with the therapists and practising what I learn.
I am grateful for the wisdom that comes with age and the power of self-love and self-care. These tools help me clearly envision what I desire in friendships and relationships.
When you’re just starting in life, you tend to gravitate towards people without fully considering the impacts that this may have on you.
I believe it’s important to reserve judgment on people’s interests and attitudes until you have had the chance to get to know them honestly.
Due to your lack of experience, you will be surrounded by individuals who will try and exploit you.
Despite this, you feel compelled to remain in their company to feel accepted.
As you continue developing and evolving, you gain valuable insights from positive and negative experiences.
By the time you reach middle age, you should be able to discern and choose your friends wisely.
It’s not just about sharing identical interests but more about aligning standards and values.
I’ve realised that if someone doesn’t meet at least 70% of my standards, there’s no point in pursuing a close relationship or friendship.
It is often believed that middle-aged individuals are set in their ways, having become accustomed to their long-standing habits and attitudes.
Rather than exhausting yourself and attempting to alter them, it is more beneficial to release them and move forward in search of someone who resonates with your spirit.
My past was filled with poor decisions and choices because I neglected to address my issues.
However, now that I have a strong sense of self and clear goals, I am committed to making the most of my time and not repeating past mistakes.
Life is a continuous learning and personal development journey, not a stagnant existence where we lose our freedom and settle for unhealthy circumstances.
As individuals age, some may choose to settle in relationships out of a fear of loneliness or a lack of direction, leading them to give up on life or tolerate unsatisfying situations simply.
All I ever genuinely desired was to find inner peace, experience genuine happiness, and feel loved.
My top priority is finding peace of mind, and to preserve it, I refuse to accept any circumstances that could jeopardise my well-being.
I have reached a point in my life where I am content to go solo rather than compromise my well-being with toxic people or situations.
I let go of alcohol and drugs, so why would I invite someone into my life who disrupts my equilibrium?
I value myself, and having self-respect comes at a price for those seeking to be a part of my inner circle.
I am drawn to individuals who can show love, respect, honour, empathy, and support towards me.
My Father always told me that once a guy reaches middle age, he should be reliable, skilled, responsible, accomplished, self-assured, and have a clear sense of their goals and identity.
I refuse to accept anything less than the person I have worked hard to become.
I have endured a lifetime of suffering and refuse to spend another moment with anyone or anything that diminishes my worth.
Proverbs 26:11-12 ERV. Like a dog returning to its vomit, a fool repeatedly does the same foolish things.
Life is a journey of living and learning, but without self-love, you will remain trapped in a cycle of stagnation.
I realised that, even as I carefully select my tools for creating art, I still hesitate to get my hands dirty.
Due to my obsession with cleanliness, I limit the items I handle. I even wear disposable gloves while handling meat and frozen goods while cooking.
While I will always avoid handling anything sticky or dirty, I recognise the importance of facing my fears and embracing the messiness of working with clay and Play-Doh. Though it may not come naturally, I am determined to overcome my aversion and find joy in the creative process.
While undergoing therapy, my objective is to break down the barriers I’ve erected that have prevented me from forming genuine relationships with others.
I know I have much work ahead of me, and I anticipate it will be a challenging emotional, spiritual, and mental journey. I am committed to putting in the effort, no matter the difficulties that may arise.
I acknowledge that I can’t continue evading commitment but will approach it diligently and at my own pace.
In everything, there must be a balance.
Natalie M Bleau
Scripture of Balance