As 2024 draws closer, I felt compelled to share my final blog post. It reflects on my past actions and behaviours, encapsulating my thoughts as I look back on the years.
The memory of my sobriety date on October 4th, 2018, recalls the four years of chaos when I mistakenly sought solace in the bottle, thinking it held the cure to my troubles.
This also serves as a painful reminder of the self-loathing I felt when I chose to abandon all hope throughout my existence.
I couldn’t seem to release the grip on my past, causing me to self-destruct without end.
I was incredibly cruel to myself, constantly attacking and belittling my worth.
The most challenging aspect was my refusal to acknowledge my addictions, leading me to conceal any signs that indicated I had a problem.
Reflecting on my mindset, I acknowledge how effortlessly I could surrender and yield to my self-destructive behaviours.
Acknowledging that I was the problem was the most challenging task, as I believed I was beyond help.
The constant thought of death and the desire to escape my suffering consumed my every waking moment.
The wonder of serendipity never fails to astound me. For so long, I viewed life through a pessimistic lens, neglecting to explore the gifts that God had bestowed upon me.
I count myself among the fortunate few who have emerged from a long slumber, granted the precious opportunity to rediscover my true self.
At the age of 46, I was saved from my destructive tendencies. I finally let go of the toxic remedy, but it wasn’t until two more years passed that I indeed committed to the difficult journey of self-improvement.
The primary lesson I had to come to terms with was understanding my powerlessness and the threat I posed to myself.
Next, I had to let go of anything that no longer benefited me.
The path to self-discovery is anything but smooth sailing. It is filled with numerous obstacles and unexpected turns that make it nearly impossible to keep moving forward.
It was the most mind- -excruciating experience I’ve ever endured. It required facing the harsh reality that my sense of self was non-existent and delving into the depths of my darkest memories.
To succeed, you must possess a strong sense of resilience and the courage to be truthful with yourself and those around you.
From the moment you learn to think independently, continuously reviewing and reassessing everything you have learned is crucial. This process requires you to be your caregiver, nurturing and guiding yourself through self-discovery and personal growth.
Some aspects from your past will hold value as you embrace a new, optimistic chapter in your life, while others will no longer serve a purpose.
You will rediscover the innocence and wonder of childhood, but this time, you will hold the power to determine your beliefs and truths.
No one on this earth is perfect, so no one can truly understand you enough to teach you, as they don’t fully understand themselves.
When we are born, we are like an empty canvas waiting to be filled with the colours of life. Much of what we learn comes from the shared wisdom and experiences of those around us. We truly begin to live only when we take our first steps into the world.
If you are fortunate enough to possess the necessary armour before venturing into the world, you will be well-prepared to navigate life’s challenges.
Viewing the world through a pessimistic lens deprives you of the happiness you deserve.
I have found myself reconditioning my mind as I chose to silence the noise of others and instead delve deep into my soul for guidance.
No other person can claim all the answers, as their imperfections limit their perspective. Only through prayer and guidance from God have I come to believe I have found actual direction.
Numerous individuals profess to have a spiritual connection but fail to embody a spiritual journey truly.
Those who choose to walk the spiritual journey, aiding others and embodying the virtues of the spirit, are heading in the right direction.
Living a solitary life becomes inevitable when you constantly seek the opinion of others when, in reality, the answers lie within yourself.
Each person’s journey is unique; there is no one-size-fits-all approach to life. Some find it challenging to grasp the true essence of life and often blame others for their struggles.
Whether you hold a prestigious title in the religious community or serve as a spiritual guide, defects are inherent in everyone.
Throughout my journey, I realised the significance of letting go of ignorance, resentment, and judgment and instead embracing understanding, forgiveness, and love.
It became clear to me that we are all facing different battles in life, and it is essential to accept that.
It’s frustrating when someone tries to relate to your story by saying they know exactly how you feel or that others have it worse.
How do they even determine your lowest point?
The key to saving oneself from destructive tendencies is acknowledging the issue and taking proactive steps towards change.
There is simply no alternative.
Prayers alone will not make a difference unless you’re willing and ready to act by putting in the work.
If I could go back in time, the one piece of advice I wish I had listened to from my Beloved Father is to let go of things that are not important.
I want to remind everyone to stop letting other people’s experiences, opinions, and criticisms dictate how you live. It’s time to reclaim the power you’ve given them.
If you genuinely value and have confidence in yourself, you won’t allow anyone else to have that power over you.
Perfection is a quality reserved solely for God; no human being on this planet can claim to possess it.
TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE
Staying true to yourself involves staying loyal to your morals, principles, and beliefs and understanding that compromising them means betraying yourself.
It means living by your values and emotions rather than conforming to the expectations of others.
By being authentic to yourself, you exude confidence in your identity and work towards achieving goals that will bring you true fulfilment and joy.
In everything, there must be a balance.
Natalie M Bleau
Scripture of Balance