I remember when I was in my 20’s and 30’s, I was paranoid about how skinny I was, I never seemed to be able to put on weight, I would complain about all the advertisements for losing weight. Most girls in the 90’s wanted to look like supermodels.

The 90’s, was all about looking stick thin but I wanted to be curvy and busty. 

I was always teased by other women about being thin and having a ‘12 -year-old body’ or they would say that I must be terminally ill. This followed me throughout my life, and I used to train hard and try to build muscle tone. 

I lived my life with zero confidence, no matter how much compliments I received, it did not make a difference to me. It was important for me to feel satisfied with the way I was happy with.

I gained a little weight when I was 36, but then I was still not content, as humans we are never completely satisfied with the way we are. In my opinion, for me, there is always room for improvement.

Many people suffer from lack of confidence and low self-esteem especially if they were bullied in the early years of their lives and this can affect their adulthood. For example, if you were told that you are ugly, useless, and fat then you will believe that even if the information is false.

Some people love hating on another person because it makes them feel better about themselves. That’s the way people are in life! These types of people will always be around, if you have any self-love, you would not be taking notice of them.

Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted, whether it be from their family or friends.

 The saddest thing is when people rely on somebody else’s judgement about how they should look.

People like to be positively accepted and acknowledged, nobody wants to be ignored and some people go to great lengths by trying to create a carbon copy of a celebrity. They go through great lengths to change the way they look; their personality can sometimes be fake. This shows me how much influence society and media have on us.

I am grateful that, even though I had zero confidence and low self-esteem, I never tried to be somebody I was not, and today I can say that I have a different mindset, I no longer give a damn about what people think or feel about me. 

I have always been told that I always smell nice and that I am well-groomed with good mannerisms and respect for others, I am not bragging, this is how I was brought up, and I am glad I have always been me, even though I spent most of my life criticising me.

I realised that trying to look good for someone else does not change the way they act or feel towards you. 

It does not matter what anyone feels or thinks of you, it is more important how you think and feel about yourself. At the end of the day, we all get old and grey so we may as well enjoy our youth while we still have it.

I found that every time I looked back at photos when I was younger, I thought about what an idiot I was because I was beautiful. 

We can continue to complain and be discontent with who we are, as we get older, we will wish we didn’t waste all those years beating ourselves down when we could have embraced our inner and outer beauty.

I would like to take this time to ask you to take a good look at yourself and write down things you do not like about yourself and ways to improve.

Where there is life, there is hope.

In everything there must be a balance.

Natalie Bleau

The Scripture of Balance 

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