When we are talking about having love for ‘self’ we are not referring to someone who is egotistical, arrogant and selfish we are talking about looking after ‘ourselves’ physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

There are many of us who have lack of confidence and self-esteem this can sometimes stem from a traumatic childhood whether it be in the family home or at school.

Childhood is a vulnerable point in our lives where we tend to soak things up like a sponge we listen and believe the feedback we receive whether it be from our family or friends. Here are the roots of our growth and development.

We could also go on to mention how women are sometimes treated like second class citizens certainly in many cultures and religions, but that is another story to be told at another time.

As I have mentioned in my previous blog about “reconditioning the mind” the subject of self hate is a trickier subject to deal with as this problem is deeply ingrained in our conscious and subconscious mind. It is something that is within us and it is not easy to liberate ourselves from something that has become an entrenched belief system.

There are no definite answers or techniques that come to mind as this for me is a difficult subject. However, our spiritual life coaches have taught us to look inside ourselves to start the cleansing process.

Some people have a high resilience to what they deem as someone else’s truth about them. No matter how many times they have been knocked down they get up and prove that they are worthy. Unfortunately, there are those who live the rest of their lives feeling worthless and they keep putting themselves down.

One thing I have learnt is no matter how beautiful or talented you are, if you have suffered the negativity from a young age, of being told that you are ‘unworthy’ you will find that you cannot take a compliment from another human being, who finds you to be the exact opposite of who you have learnt to be.

Low self esteem puts you in a vulnerable position, especially when it comes to relationships with others, it makes you feel that you are not good enough and invariably the culprit in any negative situations that occur.

What I have learnt to do is to be mindful of my thinking patterns by making myself aware of my previous negative experiences and just being with it. This helps me to create a gap between what had happened and what my present condition is. I have to be mindful of my response to every day events and the big decisions that I have to make in my life.

Self awareness is a great way to connect to some of your core values the principles in what we stand for. We have to learn to get to know ourselves better in order for us to reconnect and see ourselves in a positive light this will help us with our emotional intelligence and we will get a clearer sense of self worth.

I find that people who tend to always have a negative thing to say about someone else is due to their lack of inherent self esteem. They do not realise that by putting others down they are feeding negative energy towards themselves.

Remember you can heal and build yourself up again whether it be through therapy or self help but you have to really want it for yourself too.

After so much therapies, which all by the way, have benefitted me, I have found that Psychodynamic Therapy was powerful and the practice of being mindful.


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