I have operated on autopilot without a pause for as long as I can recall. The only obstacle that has hindered my ability to engage fully is the presence of my depressive thoughts.
Most days, I must constantly occupy my mind, as allowing my thoughts to wander freely can lead me down a dark and tumultuous path.
I must always maintain strict control over my thoughts.
Navigating my lifestyle demands patience and empathy, as I often encounter obstacles that can easily frustrate me.
The blame doesn’t always lie with others; it often stems from my need to control every situation.
When grocery shopping, I expect everyone to stay clear so I can swiftly grab what I need and leave. Pity the person who gets in my way.
When I’m out with others, they must keep up with my pace as I become irritated with stragglers.
When I have an appointment or event, I prefer to arrive at least thirty minutes ahead to give myself ample opportunity to relax and prepare.
I prefer not to plan to meet with anyone in advance as they tend to have a different sense of timing.
Events should start promptly and not require hours of waiting. Akin to a flight leaving on time, why should a pilot wait for passengers who show no consideration for others?
I wouldn’t say I like to generalise, but I’ve observed that events organised by people of my ethnicity tend to start late. It’s puzzling how there’s ample time to prepare, yet everything is left until the eleventh hour.
Indeed, time does not wait for anyone, nor does death.
LIFE GOES ON!
The day I become indifferent to time is the day I would consider putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger.
I admire individuals who demonstrate respect and consideration for others. Life is not just about oneself, and time is a valuable commodity.
When I’m invited to someone’s house and discover that the television is the room’s focal point, I politely excuse myself. If I wanted to watch TV, I would have just stayed home.
Inviting people into your home is a way to connect with others, but I feel that spending my time listening to negative conversations or meaningless debates is not a valuable use of my time,
I enjoy hearing what others say, but my attention span is short. If the conversation drags, I tune out or steer the discussion in another direction.
Life is indeed brief, a sentiment I wholeheartedly share. If I’m not using my time to fulfil my purpose of aiding those in genuine need, I sense that my time is slipping away without true meaning.
I periodically take time off to recharge; during those moments, I cut off all communication with the outside world. I don’t find it necessary to keep my phone by my side 24/7.
I cannot prevent something terrible from happening, and I am not the first person someone reaches out to when they are going through a difficult time.
The magic of voicemail and text is that it allows me to respond in my own time.
In the event of a genuine emergency, my closest family members are aware of the various alternative methods they can use to reach me other than my primary mobile phone.
There is no urgency unless it pertains to matters of life or death; even then, I am powerless.
I am always ahead of the game, my thoughts racing ahead of my words as I speak.
My psychiatrist, who is a native Turkish speaker, struggles to keep pace with me during our sessions, resulting in inaccurate consultation notes.
I often feel restless and overwhelmed by the numerous unfinished tasks at home that I struggle to keep track of.
Some individuals claim to experience brain fog or worry about early-onset dementia, but for me, it’s simply the speed at which my mind operates.
I need to set up my Alexa device to remind and prompt me to take my medication and keep track of my weekly schedule.
Just last week, I mistakenly thought my job was in a different borough and ended up travelling there before realising it was in my area. Thankfully, I’m always early, so I made it to the correct location on time.
This is a new occurrence for me, so I brought it up to the manager.
As patients participating in the psychological services field, we provide professionals with valuable insight into our challenges while dealing with our long-term difficulties.
Navigating life in the fast lane isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, as I struggle to find moments of peace and relaxation. The constant need to stay active and occupied means that even when I try to unwind by watching a documentary, I can’t resist the urge to distract myself with a game on my mobile phone.
My thoughts often become my greatest adversary, even during moments of simple pleasure like enjoying a meal. I need to divert my attention to avoid getting lost in my thoughts.
The saying “too much thinking is harmful” is accurate, as I could enjoy my favourite meal when a negative thought or feeling enters my mind, causing my appetite to disappear.
How can one calm a mind that is always one step ahead? My thoughts move so quickly that my words struggle to keep up. If I slow down, my thoughts will slip away before I can speak to them.
Speaking rapidly may indicate that your thoughts were not valued during your upbringing. You may have struggled to find your voice and express your emotions, fearing they would be dismissed as insignificant.
Over the past few years, I have learned to brush off any criticism and am now making up for lost time when I was not given the respect I deserved.
However, I realise the importance of not becoming complacent. I am now more mindful of my words and strive to communicate in a controlled and positive manner.
I often get easily annoyed, as I still carry repressed anger and rage to address. I must remind myself that actions have consequences, and to stay true to my purpose, I must refrain from impulsively acting out.
Juggling life with such a fast thought process can be pretty challenging. I’ve had my fair share of close calls and near misses, often in situations where a bus could have easily collided with me.
While I am typically streetwise and vigilant, there are moments, even at home, when I can put myself in danger by forgetting the task at hand.
My mind has been so preoccupied that I have left many tasks unfinished, putting myself in danger.
I only manage this by focusing on one thing at a time, but staying in the present moment is a constant challenge. If I get distracted, I quickly move on to something else because I often forget where I left off.
I acknowledge that I will continually confront this challenge in my life. Although I aspire to be precise and accurate and achieve perfection, I must strive to find a middle ground and set realistic expectations.
In everything, there must be a balance.
Natalie M Bleau
Scripture of Balance
