We sometimes cling to grudges for an extended period and continue to point fingers. We justify our failures by attributing them to our history, refusing to take responsibility for our actions.
I was consumed by self-pity, negativity, and pessimism for most of my adult life. My days were filled with hate and rage, forming a significant part of my narrative.
I used to be weak, letting others dictate my thoughts with their pessimistic views. I relied on others to figure things out for me and trusted their guidance.
Only some people succumb to the trap of giving others power over them. Some of us have the strength to reject such misleading notions. Unfortunately, I was not in a mature state of mind and fell victim to my gullibility.
In my youth, I was inexperienced and naive. I was sheltered within the confines of my family home, relying solely on the lessons I had been taught.
Had I entered this world two decades later, there would have been a possibility of receiving the proper treatment and ultimately rescuing myself from my destructive tendencies.
Over time, I have embraced accepting things beyond my control and acting to change the things I can influence.
It wasn’t until recently that I realised I could shape my destiny by letting go of old beliefs and truly understanding my true self.
The pivotal moment in my journey came when I humbly prayed to my higher power and released all control.
It wasn’t until that moment that my thoughts became more apparent, and I finally accepted myself for who I truly am and not the expectations of others.
I created a comprehensive list of the lessons I had gathered to preserve the knowledge and pass it along to others.
I realised that my perspective had undergone a significant shift, and I found myself shedding much of the negativity that had previously consumed me.
My newfound ability to think independently and with greater clarity astounded me. The fog that had previously clouded my mind had all but dissipated.
It wasn’t just a shift in mindset but a complete transformation of my lifestyle and placing my faith in a higher power.
I was finally free from the weight of my past and could shield myself from potential triggers by simply saying no.
I had finally freed myself from the need to please others constantly and focused on meeting my standards rather than conforming to anyone’s expectations of me.
The emotions, liberation, and tranquillity that washed over me can only be attributed to a higher power’s intervention. It was all possible because I chose to surrender, leaving behind my old life to embrace the new one with open arms.
I’ve understood that not everyone will agree with your decisions, but that’s their issue, not yours.
Reflecting on my past, I realise that I was merely going through the motions of life rather than truly living. I was not authentically myself, but rather a facade I believed others wanted to see.
I used to question why I despised myself, but now I realise it was not me I loathed but the artificial version of myself. Today, I embrace and love the person I have evolved into.
I have learned to stop blaming my tribe and embrace taking ownership and accountability for the decisions I have made in my life.
Regardless of my prior knowledge, as an adult, I should have the maturity to recognise that sometimes we must endure difficult times until we have learnt the lesson.
Some people easily understand while others may take longer to grasp. Ultimately, we all find liberation.
In everything, there must be a balance.
Natalie M Bleau
Scripture of Balance
