‘If these walls could talk, they would have plenty of disturbing stories to share.’ Natalie Bleau
My idea of this painting is the metaphor of my imprisoned mind. How I had come to a point in my life when I had to put aside the feelings of shame and embarrassment.
I have hidden wounds and plenty of invisible scars that can be only found through the power of my hidden voice of self.
Once you can reach thus far only then you can resurface and free yourself from the burden of keeping this internal suffering to yourself.
My Dear Friends you are not alone… there are others who are going through similar experiences which are beyond measure, for God never gives us more than we can handle.
I never thought I could ever cope with the challenges that I have faced all over the years. I would say that the most heart-breaking of them all was my Father illness with cancer and his impending death. I have accepted that he is not an earthly being, but I still find myself questioning if I will ever have the honour of being with him again.
Well, everyone has their ideas and beliefs about that, but until I die, I will never know.
The struggle to come to terms with losing my Father is extremely hard, that is why I have to keep myself super busy. Studying, working to help others like myself and maintaining my website.
At night I feel lost when I think about him no longer being here to amuse me with his humour, smiling, laughing, and his great encouragement. I can only live by the influence he has on my life.
God only knows the intensity of the pain in my heart.
My mind is like an asylum with its dark locked away secrets that I am unable to divulge in therapy or at all.
My brain is a complicated organ which is able to work out academic solutions but not capable of controlling my anxieties or moods. If I could get a degree in working out the perfect concept of how the mind can be balanced it would be a great achievement in my life.
Thoughts are not facts and feelings are overrated. But we must work hard to release ourselves from our fear of the unexpected in the healing process of our subconscious or we remain trapped in the asylum of our minds.
My research project of Art Therapy for Mental Health is ending next week and what I have learned is that those who are unable to speak can paint a picture of what is on their minds or in their hearts.
I discovered through my painting of the asylum in the picture featured in this blog, that although I have come extremely far in my journey I still have not been discharged from my mental asylum, to find the key I still have a lot of issues to work through.
Anxieties are the cause of many illnesses and are the destruction of our minds.
For those of us who are constantly tortured by intrusive thoughts and constantly worried because of our pessimism we are never going to be free from the chains that bound us.
There is hope beyond the horizon as there are tools that we can use to practice managing the balance of our thoughts.
It is by far, not an easy task, as sometimes these thoughts can be so overwhelming, we have to try to distract ourselves, take a deep breath and go for a stroll in nature.
In my personal experience when I rid myself of thought it is then replaced by another. I just have to do something that I genuinely enjoy then I can have that moments peace which I believe I am entitled to.
In everything there must be a balance.
Natalie Bleau
The Scripture of Balance.
