The Mental Clock painted by Natalie Bleau 15.09.2022

TIME — the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole

When I am doing a task that I am enthusiastic about time tends to fly by quickly. I feel that my day has been productive. I can settle down for the rest of the night.

I have been told that I am methodical. I must be.

I live my life with a fixed routine because I would forget the vitally important things that I need to do to manage my wellbeing.

My mind is my enemy and my moods control how I am going to feel in that moment. 

To be able to understand this I will explain. Everyone has highs and lows.

 My highs and lows are and way off the scales of normal. 

When I am high it feels like I have been injected with a drug that is rushing throughout my body and giving me special abilities. I am in control of everything that is around me and that nothing is impossible.

Mania has put me into a lot of demanding situations with my destructive behaviour financially, mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

I have always said to my psychiatrist that I prefer my mania to my depression.

The other end of the scale is the comedown from the mania. 

I have always suffered from depression since I was a teen. I have other symptoms which include psychosis, paranoia, hallucinations. suicide ideations and intrusive thoughts. 

Let us get this right I know the difference between sadness, bereavement and just an off day. I am saying this for all the Smart Aleks that think they know it all.

Depression does not just go away it is something that you have to work with. I have been to all kinds of therapies most have been beneficial but the only one who really can help to manage the problem is you.

When I talk about the mental clock I am speaking of the absence of time.

 Chronic Depression! I found myself sitting down all day staring at the wall then after a few days hiding under the covers, without any thought of time or space. 

Zero appetite. 

I cannot even explain to you what time it was or what was going on inside my head.

I did not want anyone around me trying to cheer me up, all I wanted to do was curl up and die. 

You cannot just snap out of Chronic Depression — you do not know the how, the what or the why you are feeling this way.

You are so out of touch with living that you do not know or even care what day it is. 

You want the feeling to stop! You want that bubble to burst!

This is part of my experience…. it may resonate with some and be different for others.

The Mental Health Clock I run is to stick to a routine and monitor my moods whilst trying to manage my thoughts. 

If I deflect then I become a victim of my own self.

Having this illness does not mean I lack intelligence or that I am a risk to society. 

It is not easy to live a normal life when you suffer from a long-term mental illness, you struggle to maintain the balance in your life.

Balance is everything.

To maintain a balance, look for techniques to help manage your thoughts and moods.

Speak to a therapist or some other sufferers who may be able to give you some ideas of coping mechanisms.

In everything there must be a balance.

Natalie Bleau

The Scripture of Balance

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.