The brain is a complex organ that controls thought, memory, emotion, touch, motor skills, vision, breathing, temperature, hunger, and every process that regulates our body. quoted by John Hopkins medicines.

The average adult brain weighs about 3lb and consists of 60% fat. The 40% is a combination of water, protein, carbohydrates, and salts.

There is an encyclopaedia of Psychological Disorders called ‘The Tortured Mind: The Many Faces of Manic Depression’ which  was written over 20 years ago by an author called Carol C. Nadelson. It covers common mental health disorders and the problems they can cause in our daily lives.

The reason I decided to cover this subject is because I came to a point where I was thinking of giving up everything that I worked so hard for. I had a brain block and felt that I could no longer conduct my project and that all my work was in vain.

It was not until the following morning when I said to myself, ‘I cannot give up the very purpose that I live for.

Life would not be worth living if I could not encourage sufferers, like me, to keep going.’

I had to dig deep and remember why I started this project. The fact that it was an idea built on the memory of my Beloved Father, an amazing man, and a great support to me throughout my life.

The most interesting thing that I found out about myself is that there have been a few occasions when I have been able to find a break from my chaotic thoughts and feelings that constantly flow through my head. There had been no noise or punishing critical voices.

The first occasion was spending time with my sister and her 11 months old grandson. He is so beautiful I feel a happiness within me just being in his presence. This is the first time I felt present.

I remember when I was eighteen, and my niece was a toddler, I was going through turmoil in my life. Just being with her, taking her out to the shops in her buggy gave me the feeling of serenity. It was only after I had left her the reality of my cruel mind would assault me again.

Although, for several years I have been engaging in therapy, but it is not something that is curable, I must manage it every single day.

There are many mornings that I wake up and feel that I just cannot do ‘today’ but I must force myself because I know where one day of defeat can take me.

People who have never had the serious side of a mental illness will never be able to understand what you are going through and why you cannot just erase your mind like wiping a blackboard of chalk.

A friend had suggested that I should not let my mind control my life and just take the plunge into doing things that I usually avoid.

They might as well be speaking to me in a foreign language as this may work with the healthy mind of a less damaged person, but it is not something that will work for me.

I am an extraordinarily complex individual, and I would not trust anyone other than my immediate family to keep me physically safe as they are responsible adults, and they understand my struggles.

If I find myself in a situation that I am not comfortable with I would like to have the option to back out.

I love independently networking with other interesting people. I am very aware of my surroundings and when it becomes overwhelming, I have the option to take time out or just leave.

I am happy to stay within my comfort zone, even if it means never venturing abroad again. I have learnt in therapy to look out for myself and stop making sacrifices to keep others happy.

It would be interesting to know if there are any other ways of silencing the noise within our minds with alternative medicines.

In everything there must be a balance.

Natalie Bleau

The Scripture of Balance

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