The finality of anything that has been beneficial to you on your journey is one of the hardest truths to prepare for.
I have had 38/40 sessions in my art therapy research group.
Weeks ago, I had already started preparing myself for the finale. It had been extremely hard for me as I had no confidence in my artistic abilities.
I have come a long way from where I started, I was feeling tearful in session one. The last time I picked up a paintbrush was in my infancy.
I never had an artistic bone in my body or was it my lack of patience for the creative side of things?
I guess without giving anything a try you are never going to know your ability as you have decided to fail yourself already. That has been the story of my existence.
Believing in myself has been the hardest step for me and only today I can say that I am overwhelmed by what I can do.
This proves that anything is possible if we give ourselves permission to try.
As with my bipolar I never do anything by half measures. I have been spending a lot of time in art and craft shops and buying equipment so that I can continue my art therapy from home.
I have bought excessive amounts of arts and crafts from the stationary shop, afraid that I will run out.
I have bought plain wooden boxes and mannequins of which I have painted and designed for family members.
My paintings are all from my subconscious I am not yet comfortable with copying other artists impressions as I feel more confident with my own unique pieces of work.
I am never going to be a famous artist and that is not my aim. I just enjoy the peace it gives me to relax and design something out of nothing.
It quietens the voices in my head and encourages me to be more creative and daring. I create a picture using more than one material as I love the different effects.
I use soft pastels and oil for my base before I use acrylic inks or paints.
I am enthusiastic about the work that I have been doing for the past few months and my aim is to keep it up as it is a wonderful way of releasing my anxieties.
I know that all good things must end, nothing lasts forever.
The only thing I would tell myself is to be mindful of how much I go out and spend when I am taking on new projects. I tend to go way over the top in purchasing goods as I have a fear of running out of resources.
I believe that you must prepare yourself when you know that something is going to end to save yourself from heartache.
I would, take part in another research program for Mental Health Therapy.
In everything there must be a balance.
Natalie Bleau
The Scripture of Balance.
