Have you ever wondered why the things you dreamed of never materialised?

As a young adult I was confined by outdated mindsets and the pressures of external opinions, never allowing myself the freedom to think independently and instead, blindly following the rules set by others.

I squandered precious moments trying to adopt other viewpoints, only to realise that in doing so, I was veering away from living authentically as myself. I wish I hadn’t let external forces dictate the course of my life.

I am thankful that, after years of conforming to others’ expectations, I realised in time to prevent further damage that I needed to rediscover my true self.

I underwent a mental transformation, delving deep into self-exploration to uncover my authentic self.

This marked the beginning of my quest for self-discovery. Though I wish I had started sooner, I am grateful that I have am finally committed to this journey.

I felt like an explorer unearthing the ancient secrets hidden within a discovery, delving deep to uncover its origins.

Delving into the depths of my being, I realised that I was nothing more than a manufactured entity – an empty vessel with a pre-programmed mind.

I wasn’t truly living my own life; instead, I felt like a mere character plucked from the pages of someone else’s story.

Reprogramming my mind proved to be an excruciating mental challenge, unlike anything I had ever experienced before. There were moments of profound confusion, where I questioned my identity and struggled to grasp my ultimate purpose.

It was terrifying. You can’t simply erase over four decades of history, but you have the power to close that book and start a new one.

I believe that only those who have gone through this transformation can truly understand it. It’s like digging deep into your mind to retrieve memories and then send them to the recycle bin.

To truly start a new relationship with myself, I had to confront my true self and uncover my deepest passions and desires.

I bravely compiled a list of my preferences and aversions. I had to push aside the teachings of religion and let go of the beliefs that were holding me back, burdening me with feelings of guilt and shame.

I found myself in need of a deep introspection, confronting the truths I’ve been evading and shedding the layers of other teachings that have clouded my judgment. It was time to reorganise and align my priorities in the correct sequence.

Although it will take a lifetime to undo the damage that has been done, I intend to never lose hope or give up.

It was clear common sense that using your own judgment and breaking free from the influence of others was a wise choice. Taking back your power. 

If someone disagreed with your actions, it wouldn’t have impacted you. It’s your life, and you’re making decisions based on what you believe is best for yourself.

How could they anticipate what lies ahead when they lack divine wisdom and are not actively involved in the journey?

The moments you surrendered to their influence were moments stolen from your existence, enabling them to steer you towards decisions that served their interests.

You will forever be the one who shied away from taking risks, ultimately missing out on potentially incredible experiences.

By adopting a pessimistic mindset, you have overlooked the potential for growth and development opportunities.

As I gathered all these items, it dawned on me that I had never truly embraced living life to its fullest potential. It felt like I had been inflicting self-harm by limiting my own happiness, both mentally and emotionally.

For as long as I can remember, I struggled to find my identity as I always tried to fit into the mould of who I thought I should be rather than embracing who I truly was. I constantly felt self-conscious and could never fully unwind naturally.

As I delved deeper into self-discovery, I shed almost every aspect of my former self. I had to discern between what was authentic and what was fabricated.

At this point in my life, I finally felt ready to fully embrace my true self and show myself the kindness I deserved.

Over the last few years, I’ve seen a shift in my mindset and emotions. However, this transformation will be a continuous journey, as anger and rage have started dominating my thoughts.

I am consumed with anger over the time I’ve spent imprisoned by my pessimistic mindset, and my fury stems from the realisation that I’ve allowed others to dictate my life.

I have recently broken free from the stagnant state of personal development and growth that held me back for so long. Overcoming my difficulties has allowed me to emerge from the unconscious existence I once lived.

The realisation hits me hard at this point – I’ve been living a lie. The person I thought I was wasn’t me. My life has been a charade, and I despise the person I allowed myself to be.

The only remnants I can salvage from the ruins of my existence are my unwavering honesty and compassionate nature. I find solace in the fact that my self-respect, my humble abode, and the deep love I hold for my Father are all authentic and genuine.

Having experienced being singled out, I have always carried the traits of empathy towards other sufferers and a strong sense of seeking justice. 

Regardless of my beliefs, I hold to a strict code of morals and ethics that does not involve judgment on others’ preferences.

I am certain that despite my hardships, my character remains resilient and unwavering. Through these challenging experiences, I have been moulded into the person I am today.

The struggles I have faced with my mental health have shaped me and my life as I have endured traumas and disappointments.

This behaviour didn’t just start in my childhood and teenage years; it followed me into adulthood, serving as a constant reminder of my past self.

My inability to connect with others left me struggling to cultivate meaningful friendships and relationships. A rocky beginning only compounded my feelings of isolation.

While I may give off the impression of being famous and sociable, I consider myself a loner. Despite people enjoying my company and wit, I find solace in solitude and cherish my alone time.

Many wonder why this is so, I have spent much of my life in solitude, using coping mechanisms to get through life. I have always been an outsider looking in, struggling to believe that there are individuals who genuinely value and recognise the goodness within me.

Today, I am confident in my worth and surrounded by individuals who enjoy my presence. I am grateful for the genuine acceptance and appreciation many have shown me.

Through dedicated effort in my journey of self-discovery, I have come to realise that I am not alone.

I have come to terms with the fact that not every family will share a strong bond, but ultimately, we are all human and that is what truly matters.

You are not bound by outdated sayings like “blood is thicker than water” when you have never truly belonged.

A close friend of mine who tragically lost her life to bipolar disorder once confided in me, saying, “My family never truly accepted me for being different. But remember, the world is vast and full of acceptance. Keep on doing what you’re doing. Embrace who you are and the kindness you bring, and you will find your place.”

The truth in these words has been validated in my life today. 

Through my work I am reaching out to the world, urging everyone to awaken before it’s too late. It’s not easy, but it is worth it.

You have a chance to find your true self before you lose yourself.


In everything, there must be a balance.

Natalie M Bleau 

Scripture of Balance 

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