Thirty years, previous to the new millennium, psychological therapy was next to non- existent compared to what we have on offer today.

The waiting lists for ,1–1 therapy may be long and not everyone can afford private therapy, but people are encouraged to access these resources on-line.

Today in some cultures, any form of ‘weakness of the mind’ is seen as either wanting attention or association with the devil, sometimes you wonder who has the mental health problem, when you read about some of the cruel experiments that have taken place.

It takes a lot of courage to accept a mental health diagnosis, I was in denial for years and thought that maybe, they had got it all wrong.

The worst thing you can do is allow someone, who is not qualified, to convince you that you have been mis-diagnosed.

A second or even third opinion from a psychiatrist is an idea once they have had time to study you over a period of maybe 3–4 months.

It took between six to nine months for the doctors to reach a diagnosis in 2007, however, it took me years of abusing my medication, trying to end my life, to be able to accept that I needed a treatment plan. The shame of being identified as a manic depressive was too much to cope with.

I had my issues growing up, I was unhappy and felt like a spare part. I was hated and cruelly treated. I always thought that I was the problem, even though I did nothing wrong, other than existing. I now know different.

People, sometimes, can be dismissive of you, they see you as weak or a failure when you have decided to engage in treatment and to collaborate with the psychiatrist.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety all of my life. I have attempted suicide several times, until in 2018 I had a wakeup call. My psychiatrist threatened to have me committed indefinitely.

Today I am fortunate that I was able to receive the right treatment plan. It is not curable, but by using the right tools, my illness can be managed.

There will always be triggers that will set me off, I just have to keep fighting my thoughts and practicing mindfulness techniques. It is hard to be positive all the time, there will always be the night terrors and bad dreams, but the secret is not to ruminate on them.

I decided that I no longer care if people are ashamed or embarrassed by me, I suffered trauma throughout my life and I know what is going on in my head better than anybody else.

I wrote my own promises as I honour the legacy of my Beloved Father who has given me the inspiration to do what I have been called to do.💕

I Natalie Bleau, will continue to use my voice, whether it be through my writing or at conferences, to fight for all who are suffering this mind destroying disease. I will try to help those struggling to retain the balance and encourage those who are afraid to speak their truth.

In everything there must be a balance even though we will have to work harder to maintain ours.

Natalie Bleau

The Scripture of Balance

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