High expectations often accompany other difficulties, including perfectionism, diminished self-esteem, and negative core beliefs.
Establishing unrealistic standards for yourself can result in feelings of inadequacy and disappointment, strengthening your negative beliefs about yourself.
Breaking free from the perfectionist mindset can be challenging, leading some individuals down a path towards obsessive-compulsive disorder.
From a young age, I was instilled with the importance of maintaining high standards in hygiene, manners, respect, and appearance. Settling for anything less than the best was never an option for me, and upholding these values came naturally.
I used to think everyone shared my values, so it was surprising when I began interacting with different individuals and realised that wasn’t the case.
Having personal standards is a positive aspect of self-care, especially regarding relationships.
Understanding our desires and expectations of a partner before committing to a relationship is beneficial.
However, ensuring our standards are realistic and not overly romantic is essential.
I came to terms with the realisation that I would only marry a man who possessed these specific qualities.
I mentally reviewed my checklist and realised that the central values I stood for were non-negotiable.
As I grew more acquainted with people, I discovered additional dislikes that I needed to add to my list.
It began with typical behaviours but soon escalated to toxic behaviours that were impossible to ignore.
I prefer to avoid arguments and drama, choosing instead to walk away. While some people thrive on the excitement of dramatic situations they can later recount to their friends; I find peace in steering clear of such unnecessary chaos.
Despite being emotionally and mentally scarred, I always held onto my principles and beliefs without wavering.
Although I knew I would eventually live alone independently, having someone responsible to lean on in difficult times would have been comforting.
Nevertheless, I dealt with and addressed my problems alone as I continued my journey.
I embrace people as they are in friendships, but relationships involve a new set of dynamics.
I found it difficult to acknowledge my feelings of vulnerability and internal loneliness.
When you’ve spent your life being wary of others and struggling with mental and emotional instability, you naturally build walls to shield your heart and mind.
Living this way is not healthy, but it was adequate for me. I was determined to keep the real me hidden from everyone.
It may seem like an ego, but it’s not about my appearance. It’s about my thoughts and feelings that were never valued during my early years.
Feeling singled out and never genuinely belonging to anything makes it difficult to feel accepted.
Trust was a rare commodity, as I always braced myself for disappointment from others.
Whenever someone tried to get closer to me, I would always push them away.
I refused to commit or conform to anyone, so I often acted hostile and displayed my emotionless side.
Looking back, I thought I was in love with my first partner, but I didn’t even love myself.
I was in love with the idea of living a fairy tale. However, I could never let my guard down.
I always struggled with relationships because I had a specific image of the type of person I wanted to be with.
My friends often questioned my sexuality because of my reluctance to commit to anyone. It made me wonder, am I asexual?
I found that the physical aspect of relationships never entirely fulfilled me, so I was more drawn to embarking on adventures and parting ways afterwards.
My Father always advised me to treat others with respect and kindness, reminding me that if I kept comparing guys to him, I would end up alone.
“You deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect, kindness, and love.”
High standards are crucial when seeking a long-term commitment; never settle for anything less than what you truly deserve.
It’s essential to listen to your gut feelings and to distance yourself from those who don’t align with your values.
The most fulfilling relationships are with those who cherish and value you, recognising you as a person rather than a commodity.
I prefer solitude over compromising my worth.
In everything, there must be a balance.
Natalie M Bleau
Scripture of Balance
