WITH ALL THAT I AM

December 12, 2023
6 min read

This month signifies the momentous occasion of the third anniversary of the Scripture of Balance.

For more than three years now, I have embarked on a journey of exploring thought-provoking subjects through my writing. 

It hasn’t been a smooth ride, filled with countless moments where I contemplated giving up. 

However, amidst the challenges, my nephew Chris has been a constant source of encouragement, pushing me to persevere.

Writing and drawing have become my refuge, my means of finding solace and healing.

They have provided me with a positive outlet to navigate the overwhelming grief caused by the loss of my beloved Father, as well as the ongoing trials and tribulations that life relentlessly presents.

If I hadn’t taken the time to delve into my human nature and actively re-educate myself, this project would have remained an impossible feat.

It is my firm belief that, deep down, we all possess a profound understanding of our true selves and the actions we must take. 

However, amidst the tumultuous nature of life, we often find ourselves simply accepting things as they unfold without questioning or challenging them.

Living a truly fulfilling life means letting go of the burdens from our past, for they hinder our growth and happiness.

The Scripture of Balance is not only my legacy to my Father but also serves as a constant reminder to stay centred and determined.

My intention to publish my books was never driven by the pursuit of profit or personal gain. 

Instead, it was a heartfelt endeavour to connect with people worldwide and inspire a transformative shift in the way they navigate their lives.

In the past, I would often avoid delving into the very topics I now write about, consumed by fear and burdened by shame when acknowledging my imperfections.

I find it intriguing to discuss the flaws that reside within me, as I firmly believe that my external appearance is merely a reflection of our mindset.

Ironically, I recently underwent a facial procedure to eliminate certain imperfections.

However, as I emerged from the clinic, I couldn’t help but become acutely aware of the swelling and bruising that had resulted from the treatment.

As I settled into my seat on the train, a wave of self-consciousness washed over me. 

However, amidst my unease, there was a glimmer of hope. In just a few weeks, I would finally see healing.

The following day, I attended a Christmas function, bracing myself for the inevitable questions about my face.

Surprisingly, as I began to explain the imperfections, I realised that nobody seemed to pay much attention or show any concern. 

It was as if my worries had been in vain, for no one even cared.

Our internal negative thoughts have the power to consume us, leading us to believe that we are inherently unattractive.

However, it is crucial to understand that this perception is solely a creation of our minds.

My Beloved Father would often tell me that ‘everything lies within my mind, invisible to others but clear to me’. He held the unwavering belief that I was without imperfections.

Three years ago, I woke from a dream that lingered in my mind. It was a dream of scales, symbolising the delicate equilibrium that exists within all aspects of life.

At that moment, a profound realisation took hold of me: I was the author of my journey towards self-discovery.

Who better than I to discern, scrutinise, and awaken my consciousness to the intricacies of my actions?

Embracing honesty became my foremost priority as I ventured into the realm beyond myself.

It meant baring my soul to the world, unfiltered and unadulterated, and welcoming its beauty and flaws.

Expressing my true self and using my genuine voice was no simple feat, as it left me vulnerable and exposed.

However, I recognised the importance of being true to myself. 

Mental health holds a significant role in my life narrative, as pessimism seeps into my being like a chilling cold that penetrates the bones.

It felt as if I was regurgitating every single word that I had been suppressing deep within my thoughts as if my mind couldn’t possibly contain the immense backlog of information; not even a hard drive could store it all.

The true magnificence lay in the liberation from the toxic viruses that had infested and accumulated within. 

My antivirus entailed self-education, independent thinking, and the revitalization of my mindset.

At the ripe age of 48, a profound realisation struck me: it was never too late to embark on a fresh journey.

While countless individuals traverse their existence without ever grasping this truth,

While truth cannot deny the possibility of experiencing depression, anxiety, panic attacks, or being bipolar in the future, I have discovered a powerful tool to navigate through these challenges: writing.

It is through my own lived experiences that I have gained the ability to effectively manage and cope with these conditions.

Moreover, these very experiences have shaped me into the person I am today.

Despite moments of self-destruction and resentment, I have embraced them as integral parts of my journey, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

It was inevitable for this to occur, for I had been trapped in a facade. 

Existing solely to please others, engaging in actions merely to fit society’s definition of ‘normal’.

If I were to embark on this path once more, I would prioritise authenticity over sacrificing my very essence.

I must confess that I never actively engaged in actions that would diminish my self-worth. 

However, I realise now that I consistently neglected my well-being, inadvertently permitting others to take advantage of me.

Being granted the chance to evolve into the individual I am today, I must acknowledge that I am far from flawless.

Nevertheless, this incredible opportunity has bestowed upon me an unparalleled sense of liberation, filling me with immense satisfaction in simply embracing myself.

Throughout my life, I have always strived to be selfless and considerate towards others. 

However, I have recently discovered a newfound ability to provide immeasurable support and encouragement to those around me.

In everything, there must be a balance.

Natalie M Bleau

Scripture of Balance

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.