• The past 18 months I have been trying to find a way back to a normalacy that I can cope with.

In the first lockdown I accepted isolating, for my own safety and the safety of others. I was ignorant of the disease and the confusing media taught me this….. all I could hear was the words ‘death rate is high especially amongst the ethnic minorities,’ which was like saying my dear there is no hope if you have an underlying illness. (BAME)

A close friend of mine, who lives not far from one of the makeshift mortuaries ,would witness the vehicles with the wooden coffin shaped boxes arriving on site on a daily basis.

I would hear of the already dug up and prepared resting places for the dead in the UK And USA.

Shockingly due to the overwhelming amount of sick patients they did not have enough ventilators to go round so the NHS are having to triage patients to decide who lives or who dies. WHO WILL HAVE THE BEST QUALITY OF LIFE Other makeshift hospitals opening up eg Nightingale Excel.. its a trying time.

Medical staff dying, bus drivers, care workers…. Essential workers….

As far as the communities went I wondered are we running out of food because of this panic buying? How will the poor and old survive?

This was very scary!!!!!

I never had a problem self isolating I love my home, it was just that I hate it when I am left with no options. In other words

I do not like losing my freedom of choice. I don’t like feeling controlled.”

I do not wish to hide that I suffer from a mental illness as I am not ashamed of it. I suffer from anxiety, OCD and have a diagnosis of Manic Depression aka Bipolar since 2008. My manic episodes, although can irritate others, are prefable to me than my depressive episodes. They can have the same negative impact if not kept under control.”

I am quite an outgoing person and find it easy to socialize with others but with my mood swings I can leave a conversation unfinished because I have a really bad concentration span. I get bored very easily especially if someone goes into too much, what I call, “unnecessary detail” then my mind travels elsewhere.

I generally don’t like to listen to people who don’t listen to me, I believe that they love the sound of their own voice.”

I remember after Christmas 2019 I was not feeling too great “I had chills, headache, body aches and cramps and it hurt my chest to breath in deeply but I did not seek medical help. By February 2020 when I went away to Stroud for a couple of days I remember feeling so ill I had a bad case of stomach flu.” I put this down my grieving for the loss of my beloved Father, the Anniversary of his death was near approaching.

A month later we were on lockdown….

I remember those times just like it was yesterday. I feared for my family and my friends. I was not afraid of my own demise but I did not want to pass anything on to anybody else”

Covid 19 was the main headline on the news, we all spoke Covid, we breathed it “The Deadly Virus” everyone was living in fear as no one knew what we were up against.

“We woke up with Covid on our minds and spent the day with Covid and went to bed with Covid”

This cycle has continued to this day….

My understanding of the disease in my own head was that “ The cause of Covid was made in a lab in China and escaped and the spread of this was out of control since September 2019 and some people who travelled across the world who suffered from it spread it.”

But my theory was this…

But the worst of it was down to people who had it and the nasty habits of the population that never washed their hands after using the bathroom, handled food with dirty hands and spread their germs by coughing or sneezing without a tissue….in my opinion they were the GERMS”

Bear it in mind you are reading about someone who is also a Germaphobe and is obsessed with cleanliness that she has to wash under her shoes with disinfectant before they get put away I had to be the person I normally am times ten over“ Yes I will admit it, I hate to see dirt anywhere, I am disgusted with the way some people live”

This is me…..

Once the lockdown had been lifted nothing was normal, we could not afford to be complacent and go back to our lax ways of being unhygienic.

I would be more wary of people and objects. I would constantly wear my face mask. I would be using the alcohol gel more than before the pandemic. I would wash my hands and wipe down anywhere I touched when I got in from public transport. I would even wipe down food packets and bottles.

“ I would not be happy to have anyone put their hands near me unless I had seen them thoroughly washing it. (Not just wetting their hands)”

This was becoming a stressful situation for me physically, mentally and emotionally.

There are major factors of this Pandemic that are very concerning and I believe that there will be more diagnosed people with Mental Health issues. The next Pandemic will be a Mental Health Pandemic.

The only thing that I could find positive about the whole Pandemic is that for some it has given us a chance to reboot and think of ways to adjust our lifestyles for example what is more important our family or our social life? What can we improve on in our relationships? Am I happy with the way things are going in my life? For some it improved their spiritual growth.

Nature has had a lovely break from the pollution of fumes and we would of noticed that we actually really appreciated what we have around us. We heard birds singing at funny times of the day. We were able to breath in fresher air. Going for a walk was a bonus.

I sat down and actually studied online and got myself a Diploma and now studying for 4 more. I also gave up smoking.

On the other hand life has been a drag. You wake up and you wish you could just go out and do something normal without restrictions and without the fear of being struck down by the disease. I heard a friend saying “its like my lungs were been taken over by another force”

What about the economy? The people being laid off work? The unemployment? People losing their homes? Terminally ill patients, Domestic violence in the home? Pressure to provide for your family? Children staying off school? Places of worship or support being closed? Lonely people isolating? The Elderly? The homeless? The Suicide Rate? Is there going to be enough food in this country? Special needs & Mental Health? The countries choice to leave the EU? THE NHS workers? The Stress of the Morticians? (BREXIT) thats another story for another time.

Some people were more concerned with how are they going to be able to celebrate Christmas this year? Personally that was a minor problem for me.

We are on our 3rd Lockdown, it is January 2021 and at a higher tier with only essential shops open. We have to isolate ourselves we have to be very careful who or what kind of people we come into contact with.

Mental Health sufferers have to make do with speaking to their Psychiatrist or Psychologist on the telephone, no face to face appointments.

Not many of us will be understood by others we will be accused of attention seeking, I have even heard people say “if it gets bad just increase their meds” Well I say, that’s a bonus to the pharmaceuticals.

But aside from my attitude and opinions how is this affecting you?

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