When I was younger, I was reserved. I found it hard to express how I felt. I did not voice my opinion unless I was asked.
One of the reasons for my mutism was the seventies, the last era of children being seen and not heard.
Parents begun to realise that they were too strict and some of them let their guard down and allowed children to have more freedom to talk back.
I cannot say for sure whether this contributed to the lack of respect that some children show for their parents and elders today.
I am convinced that the parents of the nineties refused to repeat this cycle as they felt that it was unhealthy for them when they were growing up.
After leaving the nest I became very militant ‘in my views of how I saw the world around me. I lived my life in an organised way and was not prepared to drop the standards or morals that I had been taught.
I have no regrets with the way that I have chosen to live other than the rigidity of my views and my awful addictions which I have thus far rejected. I may have been through trauma and mental health challenges, but life experience has given me knowledge and power.
My interests are in educating myself with things that are going to improve my mind and keep my brain healthy and functioning.
I found my voice in the last several years and I decided that I would try use it for positivity, encouragement, support and sharing my story.
It has taken me many years to find out my purpose in life and I have come a long way from the self-hate, the ignorant and judgemental self.
I believe that the only way to a productive life is that in everything there must be a balance.
It is healthy to educate ourselves but with higher learning.
I cannot relate to the word ‘religion’ in any way or form. My personal experience is connecting with my spiritual self and having faith in a God of love and understanding.
I am very opened minded and not easily swayed. I am up for listening to innovative ideas and have no prejudices against people who are not on a spiritual path.
You cannot force your opinions and ideas on everyone we are all unique and different.
I sometimes find it hard to believe that some people are on a spiritual path as their actions speak louder than words. I have seen the same attitude cropping up in their ways. (Not a judgement but an observation)
The way I have lived my life for the past few years has been a spiritual journey. I had to recondition my mind and start all over again. I had to stop hurting and destroying myself.
Learning to love and respect myself was one of the hardest tasks. I had to be kind to myself and do only what I felt was right for me, rather than to please others.
I learnt to not allow anyone to manipulate me into doing things that I was uncomfortable with, and of which I did not enjoy.
Realistically I have been in a comatose, meaningless state throughout my life
I struggle daily with my mental health challenges, and I am still mindfully trying to be effective for other MH* survivors.
My trigger awareness has become sharp, and I walk away from pressurised situations. I have learnt to shut down when someone is making me feel uncomfortable.
I have been studying diplomas, on different subjects around The Mental State of the mind as well as dissecting what I have learned with my lived experiences.
I have enjoyed the project of publishing my three books in a space of under two years. I have now decided to try my hands at fictional stories around mental health using my active imagination and around some anonymous stories of real people who have given me permission to write.
(I will continue with my blogging website as it is my legacy of reaching out to all sufferers with love and understanding.)
It is going to be a hard project and I know that I must make sure I look after my wellbeing during this time. I will have to balance this out with my forever changing moods. I am up for the challenge.
In everything there must be a balance.
Natalie Bleau
The Scripture of Balance
*Mental Health
