April 2011, the year that I had given in to the voices in my head. After failing to get help, I finally decided to end my life.
I cannot remember how many tablets I had taken with a whole bottle of Ruby port, but I hoped my life would end.
Fast forward to the first time, I knew that the serenity prayer existed. My aunt had sent me a card and those beautiful words were on it.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”
I have kept this card for the past eleven years although at the time I read it once.
For the past four years, it has become essential that I pray this prayer as I get so angry for the way life has been a painful experience.
I used to get annoyed with having to accept the calamities of life but realised dwelling on something I could not change became very unhealthy.
The courage I had to make changes to my life is commendable for someone like me who lived a life of pessimism.
The first step was to be completely honest with me about any situation I found myself in.
I am in pursuit of learning, self-improvement, and spiritual growth.
Was I happy? Did this situation serve me well? Should I accept the nasty behaviours of others?
If I had not taken that step to improve my life, I would never find contentment and happiness.
It is important to be true to yourself. If a situation never improves you have to let it go no matter how much it may hurt at the time.
I found that I freed myself from stressful situations and was able to exhale.
The hurt does not last long, and you are opening doors to many opportunities in life.
It takes a lot of courage to let go of something that no longer serves you and in the long run, you find that peace of mind.
You have to look after your well-being, no one is going to do that for you. It is a selfish world out there. Dog eats dog.
You cannot live your life for someone else without there being a balance in your relationship with them.
Wisdom, guidance, and knowledge are the things that I pray for every day.
In a world full of self-centred controlling people you have to be on top of your game.
People will try to manipulate you into doing things that are against your standards.
I refuse to give in to something that makes me feel uncomfortable.
Respect for myself and others is what I use to maintain my persona. I would not have it any other way.
It has taken me a long time to build myself up. I can say that I am proud of my resilience.
I am an independent thinker; I have a voice and I intend to use it positively.
My aim is not to control another human being but to encourage them to fight for their freedom by using their voice and taking back the power they have allowed others to have over them.
In everything, there must be a balance.
Natalie Bleau
The Scripture of Balance
