There are certain situations that are not worth arguing or fighting over that in that moment, seem to trigger the worse in us.
It was not until I was in my mid-forties that I began to recognise how much energy I had wasted on such trivial matters.
WORDS! WORDS! JUST WORDS!
I was the type of person to retaliate when anyone either insulted or lied about me. It’s only natural that you defend yourself against slander as it can defame your character.
Most people who say that they ‘don’t care what people think of them,’ really do. Why bother highlight that statement in the first place.
I was not a sensitive child, but I did care what people thought of me although I had already accepted that I was unlovable. I always believed that something was not right with me.
Throughout my life I always felt that I did not deserve anything good.
I have never followed the ‘sheep of society’ and looking at the criteria I would of never of ticked the boxes of what they saw as the ideal woman not just because I was the wrong colour but because I was crazy.
I have my own morals and standards of living and would never stray from them just to feel accepted in the in-crowd. The statement ‘if you can’t beat them join them’ to me is pathetic as you are not standing up for what is right for you.
I am not one of those people who spend thousands of pounds trying to look like a celebrity or live their lifestyle. I am not vain enough or egoistic I am just me.
A complicated human being in a broken world.
I acknowledge my faults and flaws and although I am not perfect, I try to improve on being a better version of myself within.
There are many triggers that have an impact on the way I behave so I avoid any awkward or pressurised situations.
I have never been introverted as I enjoy socialising with others in small doses. When I have a mood change, whether it be through boredom or agitation. I leave. It’s as simple as that.
I know when I have had enough and feel the need to disappear from a social engagement. I become mentally exhausted and no longer feel present. If pressurised to engage I become very irritated, angry, and moody.
My friends understand my mood changes. I can have several different mood changes within the space of a few hours. It all depends on how the day had started.
If I planned to meet someone and they turn up late it spoils the mood for me. I think twice before inviting them again. This is one of the reasons I avoid group outings.
As far as I am concerned if a person knows in advance about a trip, they should have checked out the travel times in case there were going to be any delays and maybe left earlier.
It is not always possible for everything planned to run smoothly but it would be nice if planners would spend a little time on research rather than leaving things till the last minute.
Basically, the point I am making is ‘I would never treat a person, the way I would not want to be treated’
My mental health has deteriorated over the years. I have a very low tolerance level. My OCD is increasingly worse. I lack patience and I haven’t got time for BS.
I prefer to spend 75% of my time away from the noise and chatter of others. Life is too short to be in a forced environment and I want to be doing what I enjoy most. Mediating on positivity.
Reading and studying to learn more and improve my own self-development and escaping into the world of art and writing therapy. It shuts out the disturbing thoughts that invade my mind on a regular basis.
I have learnt to accept who I am and my behavioural patterns because this is me. I would not change a thing unless it was harmful to somebody else in which case I would isolate.
The balance for me is to be who I am when I am in the presence of others but if I feel that I am going to be unhelpful then I should leave.
I admire the work of William Shakespeare and have picked a few of my favourites below:-
Give every man an ear but few thy own voice
Neither a lender nor borrower be
This above all: to thine own self be true
And it must follow as the night, the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man
Shakespeare
Be yourself, be true to yourself.
In everything there must be a balance.
Natalie Bleau
The Scripture of Balance
