in this life we are all going to experience the loss of a loved one.
As daunting as it may sound, in my own experience, there is nothing that compares to the agony of losing someone you loved and adored so much who meant the world to you. It is horrendous, soul destroying and leaves a big gaping hole in your heart leaving you feeling incomplete. It can destroy you.
I lost my Father to cancer four years ago this month and not a day goes by that I don’t feel the emptiness inside me, the loss of a beautiful soul who put his family first, a loving, caring good example of a Father, a gentleman, my World, my Hero, my Dad.
This subject may sound like one of those you would rather avoid talking about as it is very painful but its one we all will have to face one day.
This is why we have to be mindful of how we grieve.
YOU CAN DO YOUR SELF AND OTHERS MORE HARM THAN GOOD FOCUSING ON THE SUFFERING! WE MUST TRY TO REMAIN POSITIVE.
Understandably, its easier said than done.
I found that celebrating the life of my Father, remembering his love for me and the precious moments that I had throughout my life with him. How much I appreciated him. How he made me laugh and lifted me up when I was down and how he was so proud of me, this is what is helping me to cope. I can honestly say there was nothing bad about him. I still love and miss him.
There are many examples of types of grief we face. The ultimate one being the death of a loved one, a break up of a long term friendships/ relationships, someone your close to decides to relocate or it could even be the loss of a part of your body through an amputation. The list goes on…
I am not an expert on how to manage your grief however I do find that it does not help when people tell you ^get over it^ or those who say “how many years as it been?.^ I find that those people are switched off and selfish they want all the attention on them. They tend to live their lives taking people and things for granted.
They say there are 5 stages of grief.
I was grieving my Father from diagnosis. it started with DEVASTATION, ANXIETY, PROTECTIVEBESS AND A LOAD OF COMPLICATED EMOTIONS and then after he passed NUMBNESS and trying to detach myself from the situation by keeping busy. I remember myself saying
- It can’t be, surely this is a dream it could not be true. (DENIAL) on waking up Tears of Devastation.
- Its not right! It should not of happened he did not deserve this” “ I hate God I know some people who should of died instead. (ANGER)
- “God I promise to live a perfect life free from sin. I will even allow you to take me instead (BARGAINING) I even wanted God to undo it.
- I don’t want to ever wake up again. I want to be with him. I cannot see no point in going on without him. (DEPRESSION) I suffer from it and it has just tripled.
- I miss him so much but I know he is in a better place and one day I will see him again (ACCEPTANCE) trying to find peace within.
What I will say is…
There is no time limit on grieving a loved one.
Talk about them as much as you want there is nothing wrong with saying how much you miss them and remembering good times. They may not be there in the body but they never gone from your heart. I believe their spirit is always there.
In my opinion those who try to prevent me from speaking the love I have for my Father they need not be in my circle.
I also find that if someone was acting unhelpfully I would refuse to have that discussion with that person. Especially if they were making me feel uncomfortable and were negative.
For whatever time I have left on this earth I found that I needed positive people around me who were wiling to listen to ME about MY experience. How I feel.
There is no comparison in your own personal journey to anyone else’s. The only thing you have in common is the loss. Everybody has their own story and people need to respect that.
Every month I light a candle for my Father in my house and smile at his picture.
This is my truth.