In the past twenty years, I have ensured that I always see things through when given a responsible task.
I found myself between a rock and a hard place at this time.
I fight for what I am passionate about. I have morals and ethics when it comes to dealing with vulnerable people… However, sometimes when you stand alone in battle, and there is no way around it, you must surrender.
I am very strong-willed and refuse to be silent when things are wrong. But when it starts to affect my well-being, I realise it is no longer worth it, especially with zero support from others.
I had feelings of sadness and relief after giving up a commitment that I only served for nine months. It could have been shorter, but I stood my ground for as long as possible.
I have the gift of empathy, and l am switched on when listening to the struggles and pain that people wish to share.
I am not self-centred, but I have learnt to recognise the signals of decline in my behaviour when I am on the losing side.
I accomplished a lot in those nine months, even with the out-of-control behaviour of others.
I became a stranger to myself as my altered ego had taken over. I was becoming the evil side of me with rage and anger.
In the past few months, it had taken much encouragement to continue the good works I was doing, I had not taken one day off, but I went home feeling angry and resentful.
I could not understand how an organisation would put up with the irrational behaviours of others.
I didn’t resign from my duties because I was scared; I left to save myself from causing any damage when I eventually snapped.
I had spoken to my mother many times about the situation, and she encouraged me to ‘hang in there’ for the last three months and that people needed me. But I needed me.
Many people have mental health illnesses, but it does not give them the right to suck out the positive energy from a room.
I decided to analyse myself as I needed to reset and reboot. My behaviour has been felt by people close to me, for which I have made amends. I will now spend my time concentrating on my projects.
This was, by no chance, a rash decision as I began to have sleepless nights because I knew that I would eventually explode and sod the consequences.
I tried every way to try and neutralise a poison that had been going on long before I even became a part of this.
If I had continued with this commitment, I know I would have been forced to leave because, eventually, I would have carried out my anger with violence.
The balance in all of this is me. I recognised that I was allowing people to bait me and destroy my peace. To leave was the strongest decision I ever made.
In everything, there must be a balance.
Natalie Bleau
Scripture of Balance
