Artist: Natalie Bleau
In my experience too many people say ‘I love you’ so freely that it seems like they are just giving lip service.
Actions speak louder than words.
The sacred word ‘love’ was something I would never utter for almost thirty years of my life. In my heart I knew who I genuinely loved but I needed to understand the feeling before I could say it.
The best kind of love that I felt was the unconditional love of my Father, being around him made me feel safe and secure.
I have never understood ‘romantic love’ it just seems like a fairy-tale in a book. The earth never moved, and I never had butterflies in my stomach. My partners have said that I was ‘stone cold. I have been called ‘ice queen’ or even ‘Hitler.’
I have always built a wall up around myself so that no one would ever be able to read me or fully understand me.
On another level I genuinely care about the people around me and I naturally have it in my nature to show that kind of affection and support.
I got it twisted once; I thought my first relationship was love when it was really infatuation.
I was in love with the idea of falling in love that I realised it was just an illusion.
There are many people that I like but few that I can say I have love for.
A true friend would not say something to make you feel better about yourself when they know it’s far from the truth.
Vulnerable and insecure people are easily taken in with the nice words people use and often get taken advantage of.
I am not easily taken in by people who try to butter me up with the purpose of getting something from me.
I am most likely to believe someone who shows the negativity of anger and hate towards me.
It is through past experiences in my earlier life that makes me incapable of fully trusting anyone because when they turn on you it can be nasty.
Speaking from the heart, you are feeling it throughout your whole being.
There are people who are well practiced in their deceit. They have no conscience of who they are hurting.
It is not healthy to walk through life with the constant feeling of suspicion but on the other hand being so trusting has its downfalls.
I am always writing about us maintaining balance in our lives, but it is not always easy to put into practice. I do my best.
I try to be as honest as I can in everything I say, do, and make my intentions clear.
I think it is very wrong to give anyone false hope because it suits the situation.
Why would anyone want to take away the important years of someone’s life by pretending that it is okay.
I know of a lady who had been trying to find a best friend all her life and met up with another woman who took advantage of her vulnerability.
Friendly shopping sprees would be carrying the purchases of the person as she wanted acceptance.
When she eventually made a genuine friend, she failed to keep them because of her insecurity and jealousy.
People who take advantage of a person’s kindness, in my opinion, are the ‘scum of the earth’ and should karma catch up with them may it be quickly and harshly.
I pray to God as I understand him, every day that I am mindful of the way that I treat others that I do not take anything or anyone for granted.
I was brought up to be polite and respectful at all times, which hasn’t changed. I have no time or respect for people who present with toxic forms of behaviour.
Throughout my life I have had to be too tolerant of the different mannerisms and behaviours in other people but lately I just avoid the drama.
In order to live a positive, spiritual life I had learned to treat everyone as individuals regardless. I realised as a teenager that not everyone was fortunate enough to be brought up with manners and respect.
It doesn’t make them the worse people in this world it is not their fault as children, but they have a choice when they become adults.
The best way forward is to find gratitude in every aspect of your life.
Some people cannot see what there is to be grateful for in their lives because they are looking at everything from a materialistic view.
I have a few thankyous already that can easily be overlooked.
I am grateful that I have not experienced being homeless. It must be so scary out there. I have a lovely clean home and a warm bed to sleep in at night.
I am grateful that I have water to drink and bathe in and food to eat.
I am grateful for all the people, good or bad, that have entered my life as they have taught me how to be a better version of me.
There are many more things I can be grateful for which will outweigh the things that I complain about every day.
Lastly, one thing I can say….
Today I am grateful to God for saving me from myself and giving me the opportunity to be able to share with everyone about my ongoing journey.
I also would like to say that ‘you are not alone in your thinking, there is always someone else who is struggling to understand the why and the how.’
In everything there must be a balance.
Natalie Bleau
The Scripture of Balance
