MY OCD IS KILLING ME!!

For those who do not know or understand about this mental illness, let me quickly explain how it is for me, this disease is overwhelming and restricts me from doing activities that people do in their day to day lives.

Daily, I find myself weighing up the pros and cons of any suggestion task laid out to me and if it anyway involves my phobias, I will refuse to take part.

As an OCD sufferer you will need, understanding people, who will accept you for who you are. There will be those who put their needs first and not take your illness into consideration.

Therefore, you must be honest and explain the effect this illness has on your life then, that gives them the option to stay or go.

Don’t allow anyone to force or pressurise you. This is your personal challenge in life.

This is about me, not meant to be a criticism on how anybody else chooses to live. I have my own personal standards, and it may be crazily over the top for some but it’s me.

It never used to be an obsession; it was just a way of living. “I have nothing against the soil in the garden, the water in the lake, or the sand on the beach, but I have an allergy to dirt and dust.”

The definition of ‘dirt’ to me is a place, a person or an object that is unclean or carries an offensive odour.

I am Dettol mad… from sprays to wipes I just can’t get enough.

There are remedies and solutions for everything.

Bad hygiene is not the primary offender of my OCD even though I make it my ritual to shower or bath daily.

The worse part to my sickness is leaving the safety of my flat.

The second I walk out of my front door; my head is telling me not to touch anything that I know someone else may have touched.

I am already stressed out, consciously evaluating where to place my feet. This is ruining my life and I need to try to find a way to switch my mind off. I will not put my hands to my mouth without wipes just like I do not like anyone touching my face.

I do not like the soles of my shoes to carry muck, it makes me feel very uncomfortable, I start feeling nauseous and manically search for a puddle of water to put my shoes in. I find myself constantly checking under my shoes when I am on the streets.

I make it my mission to clean my shoes before I get into my hallway, they would have to be disinfected before they are stored away.

People who visit my home, would have to thoroughly wipe their feet, and take their shoes off in the hallway. I have blue plastic shoe covers for contractors.

I am also an excessive hand washer, after coming off the streets I always wash my hands and the same after using the toilet or before handling food.

Bacteria spreads throughout your home if you do not wash your hands. The worst place of all is the kitchen where you deal with what you are going to put in your mouth. I clean everything that anyone uses.

This is one of the reasons why I live on my own, I could not take the stress of sharing an accommodation with anybody and having to clean up after them, as ‘their clean, is not my clean’ we would be living miserably under one roof as I am very militant. I like not only myself to be clean but also my bedding and clothes.

The only solution my Doctor gave to me for my OCD would be to retire to a sanitised institution.

My heart goes out to anyone who has an obsessive-compulsive disorder it is an overwhelming illness.

What made my situation worse is the knowledge that I do not wash my hands as thorough as I think I do.

There was an experiment that I took part in. The lab workers would cover your hand in a liquid solution which showed how much bacteria were left on your hands after washing. It proved that, even though I wash my hands, I had not washed it thoroughly enough.

Most colds and stomach bugs are caught through being around other people, this could be avoided, if most people were educated in having better mannerisms such as coughing, sneezing, or spitting into a tissue, or washing their hands, it would prevent a people from unnecessary sickness’

It is distressing for me as I am also a ‘hand-shaker’ maybe I should be a ‘fist bumper’ instead.

Personally, I am not hating on another person’s standards as I don’t have to live with them. It is the individual’s choice how they live their lives and I respect that. I don’t expect everyone to OTT like me. That is my problem. However, I would not stay long in an environment that was making me feel uncomfortable

There is not really an easy solution or technique that I have discovered yet.

Honestly, I rarely come across such situations, most people’s homes I visit are clean and its mainly public places that need to improve.

I will still say that there must be a balance for everything nobody would want to be a Germaphobe like me. 🤣

Natalie Bleau

The Scripture of Balance