I have been having very strange visions recently and on awakening have recognised that my subconscious is working overtime.
I am a different person to who I used to be.
I still carry some of the positive qualities that I inherited, but I have left behind a lot of my time-wasting habits that used to consume me.
I used to be a collector of horror movies; I would spend most of my spare time binging on films. I must have spent thousands of pounds at HMV and play.com.
The difference I recognise in me today is that I now spend quality time doing things that I am enthusiastic about.
When I let go of all the things that did not serve me, I was then able to embrace the talents I never knew I had.
I enjoy reading, creative writing, historical, medicine and psychological studies. I also have an interest in art therapy for mental health.
I used to be in a long-term office job that I thought I liked only to find that it was just to keep a roof over my head. Although I was grateful to have a job, I only enjoyed being an experienced Emergency First Aider and a Health & Safety Officer.
I found that I was in the wrong vocation and when the company made me redundant, I worked in ‘people focussed’ jobs.
I have never been a selfish person I would always put myself out for others.
I started working with charities as an Associate Visitor and then started involving myself in doing complementary massage therapy for patients in Palliative care.
I also worked with young offenders to rehabilitate them back into society.
I am so enthusiastic about representing patients living with cancer and am currently working on a project which ensures that our patients are receiving the psychological support that they need.
I have my lived experience of a long-term mental health illness and the complex challenges it brings.
I am glad that I have found a way to channel my mania and depression through writing blogs on my own website.
I am also an Active Participant for Psychological Services covering three London Boroughs. My input in this project is a way of helping amend the way service users access the service as well as taking part in interviewing psychologists and chairing meetings.
We live in a world where people are very self-centred, and everything is about materialism.
One Saturday I stood up on a train observing how people behave towards others.
I was with my best friend who shares the same qualities as me.
It was not surprising, but really sad, we are looking at a society of people that have lost all respect for the vulnerable and even members of their families. They are self-centred people.
When I was a teenager, I remember the gentlemen who used to give up their seats for women on buses or trains, whether they were pregnant or not.
I have seen fit and healthy men who barge their way through a queue to grab a seat regardless of an elderly or disabled person etc.
Some people do show empathy towards a person who appears to be struggling, but very few have I witnessed today.
We as a society have adapted to this behaviour as the norm. ‘Every man for himself’
The modern woman in the western world is independently working and living their lives without the stigma of being a child bearer or becoming a domestic slave to someone who can do it for themselves.
I think that some men feel undervalued because women no longer rely on them and are capable of supporting themselves.
But let’s not generalise, some men would be happy to move in and live off a woman.
Sometimes I blame their mothers who continue to pamper ‘adult men’ who would not even think to carry a heavy shopping bag for them when it is clearly seen that they are struggling.
Now if I rewind to 30 years ago there is a great difference in the way people behaved there was more manners and respect.
I know that respect has to be earned and some of the younger generations don’t even get a chance where the senior citizens have already made their mind up about them.
I must admit I am not so keen on the teenagers, the way they behave on the buses and there is no limit to the volume of noise they produce.
The funny thing is when I think of back in the nineties when I was still a teen there were always teenagers loud-mouthed teens. My tolerance level must have been higher back then.
We live, learn, and continue to grow in wisdom and knowledge if we really look within ourselves for the answers. Taking control of our lives by being an independent thinker.
I was reserved as a young person, and I was afraid to speak my truth because I worried what people would think of me. I had low self- esteem and believed that I lacked intelligence.
People have put me down all my life and I was stupid enough to believe them.
It is not until you recondition your mind and your life, only then will you take back the power that people had over you.
I did this several years ago and I can tell you the freedom and peace you get from it.
As I see it once you get to a stage in life you make your own decisions and become your own driver.
If I had this knowledge many years ago, I would never have taken notice of the abusive behaviour that people had voiced towards me or the control I allowed them to have over me in my adulthood.
I would love to encourage people to forget about the negative opinions that others have against them.
Pay them no mind, as it only really matters what you think of yourself.
Don’t give them the power to imbalance your thoughts or feelings.
Surround yourself with those that empower and encourage you. People who have your best interests at heart.
People who are willing to take the time to listen without interrupting or turning the conversation around to talking about themselves.
In everything there must be a balance.
Natalie Bleau
The Scripture of Balance
